we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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