his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
