Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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