I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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