my phone needs a breathalizer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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