Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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