So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
