no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
