no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
