cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
