I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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