My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
