she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
