im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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