He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
When did angry sex become our thing?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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