I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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