I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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