I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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