I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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