Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
