Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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