I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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