Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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