There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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