I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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