I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
