Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
