O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
