ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she told me i tasted like america
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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