I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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