Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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