You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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