she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm getting married
To pizza
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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