Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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