the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
