tell your sister to shave her snatch
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize