Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
