You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
