Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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