This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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