Your face is a jimmy john
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize