There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
