Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
