I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
