Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
