Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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