He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize