He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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