and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
