Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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