I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize