the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
