He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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