so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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