I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
