i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
