if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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