I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
