Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
should my penis look like a turkey
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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