Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
