I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Randomize
