before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
