Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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