I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
