My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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