I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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