I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
