I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
