I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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