Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
