I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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