I wanna passion pit in your ass
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
