I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
